Will I Lose My Dignity?
by Samantha Jean Pascal
Summary: A tainted blood transfusion changes Adam's life forever after Adam is suddenly thrown into the chaotic motions of living with HIV Jeff will do whatever it takes to care for Adam and Adam will do whatever it takes to hide his fear
1. Chapter 1

**Will I Lose My Dignity?**

_Jeff/Adam_

_~ dedicated to JoMoFan-Spot~_

**AN: This is gonna be slightly AU and OOC cause I had to come up with a reason Adam needed the transfusion. Haven't written anything in a while, so forgive me if the first few chapters are short and slightly sucky, just gimme time.**

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><p>Adam groaned slightly as he opened his eyes. He hadn't slept very well the night before. Truth be told he hadn't slept well for the past six months. Doctors had said it was just a side effect of the anti-retroviral medication he was taking to combat the HIV virus. "It's normal Adam," they would all say. Adam would simply shake his head. Nothing about his life had been normal since the blood transfusion. He was regretting letting Jeff talk him into it now. Sure his anemia was no longer responding to basic vitamin therapy, but he could've lived with that. That transfusion changed his life forever. The transfusion that doctors said would "save his life" had condemned him to certain death.<p>

Adam sat up in bed with another groan as the smell of freshly brewed coffee made it's way up the stairs. "Jeff must be making breakfast again," Adam said to himself. He didn't know why Jeff bothered anymore, the damn pills made him so nauseous he could barely eat anything anyway, when he took them at any rate. Since his diagnosis, getting the stubborn blonde to take his medication had been a battle every time his beeper went off. Slowly Adam drug himself out of bed and toward the stairs. Since he was still in the so called early stages of the virus, his bad days seemed to come few and far between, and today seemed like it was going to be a good day.

Jeff smiled when Adam sat down at the kitchen table, turning to face the older man when he saw him. "Hey darlin," Jeff drawled gently, turning back around to flip the pancake that currently sat on the griddle. "You get any sleep?"

"Do I ever anymore?" asked Adam as he stuck his finger in the plastic cup that sat in front of his normal seat, holding his morning pills. He spun the cup around in circles before pushing it back and forth between his hands on the table.

Jeff looked up after placing the pancake on a plate and chuckled before pouring Adam a cup of coffee and bringing it to him. "Stop playing with your pills and take them you big goofball," Jeff said, setting the coffee mug down in front of him.

"Don't wanna," muttered Adam with a pout.

Jeff sighed softly. "Addy, do we have to do this today?" Jeff asked. "Can't you just take your meds just once without arguing with me?"

"No," said Adam matter-of-factly.

"And why not?" Jeff asked, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

"That'd be to easy," Adam replied simply. "Where's the fun in that?"

Jeff just chuckled and shook his head. "You're such a brat baby."

Adam grinned broadly and nodded. "I know I am," he said proudly, "but you love me for it."

The southern blonde smiled. "Damn right I do," Jeff said, heading back over to tend to the food on the stove. "Now take your pills."

Adam grumbled under his breath about how he hated the medicine in question as he poured them into the palm of his hand. He ran his finger over each of them before dumping them into his mouth and taking them with a sip of his coffee. "Happy now?" he grumbled.

Jeff sighed, carrying a plate of pancakes, bacon and eggs over Adam. "No need to be sour baby," Jeff said, kissing the top of the older blonde's head.

Adam gave a small smile and started to eat, watching Jeff sit down with a plate of his own. "So what's on the agenda for today?"

"Not much," replied Jeff between bites of bacon and pancake. "You have an appointment this afternoon."

Adam rolled his eyes and didn't respond. He'd been hoping Jeff would forget about that. The older blonde was getting sick of going to so many doctors.

"Before you even ask, yes you have to go," Jeff said, going to the fridge for a glass of orange juice.

"What's this one for?" Adam asked, pushing his eggs around with his fork.

"Bloodwork," Jeff said, wrapping an arm around Adam's shoulders as he headed back toward the table. He smiled gently when the older blonde looked up at him. "I know you don't wanna go through all this Addy, but I'm only tryin' to look out for you."

Adam nodded. "I know baby, I'm just getting tired of it, that's all."

Jeff sighed and kissed Adam's forehead. "I know you are darlin' I know."

Adam stood up, setting his plate of barely touched food on the counter by the sink. "I think I'm gonna go sit out on the porch swing Jeffy," he said. "I think the fresh air will do me good."

Jeff nodded. "I'll come out and sit with you when I go check on the dogs," Jeff said.

Adam nodded again and headed outside, not really caring that he was in nothing but his sleep pants. Who the hell would see him anyways. He sat down on the porch swing with sigh. He was getting so tired of it all, all the doctors, all the pills, and most of all, all the pity. He felt like his friends had started treating him differently after he got sick and he hated it. More than anything he felt like he'd been given no choice in the matter. Jeff was the one scheduling everything, picking up his pills, keeping records of his vitals to show the doctors, hell, Jeff was the reason he was even taking the pills at all. He hadn't wanted to start the treatments. He thought it would have been better to live out the time he had left and be happy about it than suffer through a few more years, but Jeff had begged him to try and fight it, for his sake, and Adam just couldn't say no.

A few minutes later Jeff came out and sat down on the porch swing at the opposite end from Adam, stretching out across the swing and pulling Adam into his lap.

Adam smiled, resting his head on Jeff's chest. "Do I really have to go?" Adam asked softly.

Jeff sighed. "Yeah baby, unfortunately you do." He stroked Adam's hair as he held the older blonde close.

Adam pouted, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Jay-Jay wouldn't make me." He looked up at Jeff, only pouting more as he did so. "I oughta call Jay and tell him you're being mean to me."

Jeff chuckled softly. Threatening to call Jay was a good sign, it meant Adam was in a good mood. "Jay's just gonna agree with me baby."

"He will not!" replied Adam, pouting more.

Jeff smirked and moved his hands to Adam's ribs and tickled him gently. He smiled widely when the older blonde started to squeal and squirm in his lap.

"Jeffy!" Adam squealed, trying to get away from the tattooed fingers at his sides. Adam squeaked when Jeff finally quit a few minutes later. He was going to miss mornings like this.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeff and Adam sat out on the porch swing in silence, perfectly content just to rest in each other's arms. After a while, Adam finally sighed and said. "I guess I should go take a shower, since your making me go to this stupid appointment."

Jeff simply nodded. He wasn't going to argue over the appointment anymore. "Don't you think it would be safer for you to take a bath baby?" Jeff asked. "As dizzy as those pills make you, I don't want you fallin' in the shower."

Adam shook his head. "I'm taking a shower; I do not wish to sit in my own filth, thank you."

Jeff rolled his eyes and laughed. "You're weird darlin."

"I'm weird, have you forgotten who you are recently?" Adam asked, eyebrows raised.

Jeff chuckled. "No, but I know I'm weird, I'm proud of my weirdness."

Adam just shook his head and stood up, making his way back into the house with Jeff following not far behind him.

"I'll be in the bedroom if you need me," said Jeff, following Adam up the oak staircase. He could already see the older blonde starting to wobble a bit, and he could tell Adam was trying to hide it. Jeff watched Adam gather his clothes in silence. It seemed as though his entire focus was on hiding the vertigo symptoms that were quickly setting in.

"Baby, you sure you don't wanna just take a bath?" Jeff asked.

Adam simply nodded in reply and stalked of in silence toward the bathroom. He shook his head as he closed the door. "Worries too damn much," Adam muttered to himself. Take a bath my ass, I'm not gonna sit in my own filth for an hour," he continued to grumble, tossing his shirt into the clothes hamper carelessly. He paused to stare at his own tired reflection and shook his head, kicking off his sleep pants and boxers before turning on the water as he stepped into the shower.

The warm water was a relaxing release from the stress he now called his day. He closed his eyes, letting the relaxing feeling wash over him before quickly bracing himself with a hand on the shower wall when the vertigo returned. He gripped one of the bars Jeff had installed a few weeks before and took a deep breath. "I'm not gonna fall this time," Adam told himself. "Not gonna have Jeff comin' in here to pick me up off my ass again." Adam didn't want Jeff to have to worry anymore than he already was, but most of all he didn't to prove Jeff right. The last thing he wanted to here right now was "Told you you should have taken a bath." Slowly and carefully he reached for the shampoo bottle, gripping the bar tightly with the other hand. After waiting a minute or two to make sure he was steady enough, Adam started washing his hair. He relaxed as he massaged the lather through his hair, his worries quickly fading.

Subconsciously, Adam let go of the bar he'd been holding. He was quickly made aware of this fact when he wobbled unsteadily and landed flat on his ass on the shower floor seconds later. "Dammit!" Adam muttered, trying to use the bar to pull himself back to his feet, but his legs just wouldn't cooperate. Sighing when his hair started to fall in his face, he took a deep breath and swallowed his pride and yelling "Jeff!"

The southern blonde appeared in the doorway moments later. "Fall again Addy?" Jeff asked, already knowing the answer as he walked toward the shower. He knelt down next to the ill blonde, who still had yet to make eye contact with him, and wrapped an arm around him. Carefully pulling the older blonde to his feet, Jeff stepped further into the shower, not caring if his clothes were getting soaked.

Adam's body was practically limp as he stood on shaky legs while Jeff helped him rinse his hair and started to help him wash. "Aren't you gonna say it?" Adam mumbled lowly.

"Say what darlin?" Jeff asked, a confused look on his face.

"Aren't you gonna remind me how you told me I shouldn't have taken a shower?" the Canadian male replied.

Jeff shook his head, grabbing the conditioner bottle. "Lean your head back a little baby," Jeff said, waiting until Adam had done so to start applying to conditioner to the blonde's hair. "I don't have to remind you what I told you Addy," he said. "You know what I said, and you don't need me throwin' around I told you so's."

Adam slowly nodded, stumbling a bit until Jeff adjusted his grip. "I got you Addy, I got you." he smiled as he heard Jeff say. He couldn't count the number of times he'd heard Jeff say that since they'd gotten together almost two years before. His smiled only grew wider as Jeff rinsed his hair and turned off the water before carefully swinging him um into his arms.

Jeff smiled and carried Adam into the bedroom. "I'll be right back, I forgot to grab your clothes," he drawled gently, laying Adam down on the bed and hurrying back toward the bathroom.

Adam rested his head against the pillow. He'd barely been awake a few hours and he was already drained. Staring up at the ceiling he wondered what his life was going to become. If these were the "early stages" how much worse could it get? He simply shook his head and shook away thoughts when Jeff returned to help him dress. At least Jeff would always be there for him.


End file.
